My 'Death'
by Bella Sparkled
Summary: THREE-SHOT. Bella, Edward & Jacob's point of view of her 'death'. More chapters could come if requested. So, for now READ and REVIEW!
1. Perennial Pain

**NOTE-** So I have read some one-hots of Charlie's thought to Bella's 'death'. So, I decided to try my hand at a one-shot of Bella's thoughts to her 'death' as well.

(BPOV)

Carlisle hung up the phone as I sat and stared in silence. This is what I wanted. I wanted to be with them. I wanted to be with Edward. Charlie. How could I do this?

Expression vivid on my face Carlisle left me to my thoughts. My heart twisted in aguish. I didn't attempt to fight it off. I deserve this. I deserve to suffer. My throat swelled.

I had never gave much thought to how my 'death' would affect others. Yes, I thought of Jake, but hardly did I ever think of my parents. How selfish could I be? I wouldn't fight this pain.

Edward's arm snaked around my waist. I didn't budge. This was just like my Edward trying to carry my burden. Under different circumstances I would allow it, but not this time. Tears began to fall.

"Shh… Shh… B─" I cut him off. This was my battle.

"Please," I croaked. "Let me." A slight nod was all I needed. He understood. Pain jabbed at me again. I felt Edward become tense. I squeezed my eyes shut as I thought of the pain that Edward felt. Oh God! I'm hurting him too. It's perennial pain that I bring to those that I love. Pictures of Charlie and Renee grief stricken flashed vigorously through my mind.

I tried squeezing my eyes tighter. Tears continued to stream down my face, at a faster past. My breathing became ragged, as Edward slid me onto his lap. Agony continued to drill a hole in my chest. I knew that this hole would never heal. This hole would remain throughout my existence, but this hole was another one that I could bear.

I had already surrendered to misery, and it held me hostage. My breath intake began to speed up. Pulling in smaller amounts of oxygen each time. My eyes shot open as I sucked in as much air as possible. My gaze averted to Edward. He sat still and stared forward, anguish present on his face. I closed my eyes again, as my breathing slowed to a normal pace. I fixed myself into his lap. Misery took over until I drifted into unconsciousness.

**NOTE-** So did I do Bella justice? I mean how did I do? Please tell me my faults and strong points. If you guys like I'll write points of views from other Cullens. Only YOU can decide. Lol.

**REVIEW! I really want to know. **


	2. Angels Shouldn't Cry

**Okay. So I was asked for Edward's point of view. Let me know how I did.**

_Edward, Bella needs you. _

Carlisle's thoughts interrupted mines. Panic struck me and I ran downstairs. She had her hands in her face. I didn't know what was going on until I took a breath. Had I been holding mines this whole time? With that breath I smelt it. She was crying.

I sat down next to her. I am not completely sure that she noticed my arrival. I wrapped my arm around her waist and tried to pull her next to me. She didn't move. Instead I moved my body closer to hers.

I started to soothe her. "Shh... Shh… B―" She cut me off.

"Please," Her voice cracked. "Let me."

I nodded and held onto her. I watched helplessly as griefconsumed her. I tried to comfort her, only to be turned away and left confused. I did not understand why she wanted pain. I am not entirely sure that I will ever understand.

Then guilt consumed me. Was she crying because of the path she had chosen? As much as I wanted to believe this a lie I couldn't. There is a small part that gnaws at me. I had forced her into this. No matter what be said I brought this pain upon her. My own selfishness. My own need to be with her had brought her nothing but pain.

My body tensed as realization hit me. Though, I had the best for Bella in mind I continue to hurt her. First with James, then my absence, and Victoria. Finally for her to choose to become a vampire. By doing so she endures pain, yet again.

Again I couldn't deny that this was my fault. _I_ strayed her from her family and friends. _I_ lured her from any possible normal life. From happiness with simple human pleasures. _I_ tempted her away from the wonder of children. Just because I couldn't live without her.

My selfishness caused her pain. I'm a different monster now. To take all those things away from her. But, had Bella chosen me over Jacob? Hadn't _she_ made her decision?

I sat there as my love cried. I loved her more than I thought possible. I no longer longed for her blood, as I did not so long ago. I longed to be in her presence. In the presence of angel.

She needed me right now. Even though she pushed me away, she needed me. As long as she wants me here, that's where I'll stay. I won't leave her again. Not as long as I am wanted

As I pushed the doubt from my mind, all I could think of was; Angels shouldn't cry.

**NOTE-** So how was it? Did I do at least 1/10th of what Edward deserves?? Let me know. Thanks.

Review.

Not a story. Just a string of one shots.


	3. Drowning

**NOTE-** Thought I should try Jacob's point of view. So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me how you think I did.

**(JPOV)**

I sat on the couch watching our small television. I was vaguely aware what was showing on it. My attention was on my dad. He was on the phone, with Charlie I presume. His face had a worried expression, though, he wasn't saying much. There he stood feeding in a bunch of 'Uh huhs' and 'Oh'.

Finally he straightened himself, "Charlie," He paused and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. You're welcome here anytime." My heart stopped. Thoughts of all sorts started to flood me. What was wrong? Is it Bella? Did the leech…

I stopped myself there and tried to remain calm. Billy would tell me once he got off the phone. Just then― as if on cue― he slammed the phone back on the receiver. There was a loud BANG, and it rang inside my head. The bang was followed by a "Damn" from him.

Then suddenly there I was, lost in my thoughts. I noticed Billy appraising me. I dared not meet his eyes, in fear of the worst. He rubbed his face with his hands before breaking the silence.

"It's Bella." He paused; I inferred that he wanted me to make eye contact. I did. "They did it." He allowed me to figure out the rest. "We're gonna need a new couch, if you go like that." I looked down at my hands and released the side of the couch. No use. There was already a handprint in the side of which I was squeezing.

I stood up abruptly as the little fist of anger tightened in my stomach. I ran outside, nearly knocking the door off the hinges as I did. The fist seemed to grow as it consumed sorrow. It pulled at me, as I ran faster toward the woods. It began to beat my heart, causing me to gasp for air. The pain seemed to be unbearable.

As soon as I reached the woods I was flying. This came so effortlessly. Changing. My body knew what I needed to relieve the pain. The trees began to smear into each other. Then soon it was an endless swirl of green and brown. Occasionally a new color would mix in, but for the most part it remained constant. I tried to focus on the colors, but I couldn't.

My feet took over for me. The thoughts came coming back. Like the trees they mixed together. Mainly about Bella. Also, occasionally a new one would mix. My stomach tightened as the thoughts began to overwhelm me.

As if I was a kid. A kid who wanted to go into the deep end of the pool, knowing I couldn't swim. The desire to indulge myself into the water was overpowered my common sense. I jumped in head first into the pool of unwanted thoughts. I struggled at first trying to resurface, then gave up, finally drowning in my thoughts of Bella.

**NOTE-** Okay. So was it okay. I've only tried to do Jacob a couple of times. Did I do well????? Please **REVIEW** and tell me how I did for him. Please. I **NEED** to know if I am **TOTALLY** Terrible at Jacob.

Either way hope you enjoyed it.


	4. Note!

**PENNAME CHANGE**

**Previous:**

k00kiie1225

**Current:**

Bella Sparkled

I have gotten a few pms about turning this into a story I'm not going to do that but I will add a new chapter pretty soon!

This character has been gnawing at me in my head, and I have to get them out!


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